Links and Information
I would like to acknowledge that abuse is not only by men against women, but also women against men. This has no gender. I will be using females because I have found more information written by women. I would simply like to acknowlegde that men also suffer abuse by their wives.
ANOTHER WOMAN DIED
She died without CNN covering her war.
She died without talk of intelligent bombs
and strategic targets.
The target was simply her face,
her back, her pregnant belly.
The target was her precious flesh
that once composed like music
in her mother's body
and sung in the anthem of birth.
The target was this life
that had lived its own wildness,
had been loved and not loved,
had danced and not danced.
A life like yours or mine
that had stumbled up from a beginning
and had learned to walk
and learned to read
and had learned to sing
and had learned to play the piano by ear.
Another woman died today,
not far from where you live.
next door where the tail light
falls across the payment.
Just there, a few steps away ~
where you've often heard shouting,
another woman died today.
She was the same girl her mother used to kiss,
the same child you dreamed beside in school.
The same baby her parents walked with in the night ~
and listened and listened and listened for her cries ~
even while they slept.
And someone has confused his rage ...
with this woman's only life.
~ Carol Geneya Kaplan ~
Informational Sites to see:
What hurts you hurts your children
Children get hurt when they see their parents being yelled at, pushed, or hit. They may feel scared and ashamed, or think that they caused the problem. Children grow up learning that it's okay to hurt other people or let other people hurt them. A third of all children who see their mothers beaten develop emotional problems. Boys who see their fathers abuse and batter their mothers are ten times more likely to be abusive in their adult intimate relationships.
The Cycle of Violence
Sometimes it's hard to know what to do once you realize you're being abused, especially if you feel trapped. Truth is, there are only four things you have to do to change your situation:
* Get yourself (and your kids) to a safe place.
* Call a friend or relative for support.
* Look in the phone book for your local battered women's organization.
******Remember that it is not your fault. ******
National Domestic Violence Hotline
If you are a victim of domestic violence, now is the time to start thinking about protecting yourself and those who count on you for safety. For a safety plan that you can print out and use, click here -----> Safety Plan
It's Not Physical ... But It's Still Abuse!
Emotional and Economic Attacks or Abuse
Destructive Criticism/Verbal Abuse:
Name-calling; mocking; accusing; blaming; yelling; swearing; making
humiliating remarks or gestures.
Rushing you to make decisions through "guilt-tripping" and other forms of
intimidation; sulking; threatening to withhold money; manipulating the
children; telling you what to do.
Always claiming to be right (insisting statements are "the truth"); telling
you what to do; making big decisions alone; using "logic."
Interrupting; changing topics; not listening or responding; twisting your
words; putting you down in front of other people; saying bad things about
your friends and family.
Lying; withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous.
Not following through on agreements; refusing to take a fair share of
responsibility; refusing to help with child care or housework.
Not expressing feelings; not giving support, attention, or compliments; not
respecting feelings, rights, or opinions.
Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming:
Making Light of behavior and not taking your concerns about it seriously;
saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior;
saying you caused it.
Interfering with your work or not letting you work; refusing to give you or
taking your money; taking your car keys or otherwise preventing you from
using the car; threatening to report you to welfare or other social service agencies.
Abusing drugs or alcohol; threatening suicide or other forms of self-harm;
deliberately saying or doing things that will have negative consequences
(e.g., telling off the boss).
Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives;
monitoring phone calls; telling you where you can and cannot go.
Making uninvited visits or calls; following you; checking up on you; embarrassing you in public; refusing to leave when asked
Domestic Violence Information Center - Site devoted to inform, empower and assist victims of domestic violence. What YOU need to know, Internet Resources, Hotline Information, News Stories, Domestic Violence Awareness Events, etc..
Domestic Violence Hotlines - 24 hour toll free numbers with trained counselors to help you do things such as find shelter, legal advocacy, health care centers, and counseling.
Spousal Abuse - Woman to Woman - This site deals with everyday questions about spousal abuse and what to pack if you have to leave.
What Words Cannot Say - This page was created by a woman who was abused. She creats art that expresses her emotions. She has a mailing list that you can joing to support you if you are being battered or if you are a survivor.
The Wall - Have you ever wished you could scream your abuser's name out loud? A wall where you can write down the name of the one who abused you or a loved one.
Gift From Within - Answers to some of the many why questions
Compassion Connection - Sherry Sharon has several articles of interest
Rachel's Story - Rachel's Story: Of Survival and Empowerment
Christ-In-Me Ministries, Inc. - Christian Sites that will be helpful to you in your Christian Walk
For Women & The Men Who Love Them - Christine has an informative page here...
Poetry-Emotion - Wonderful Poems that you will smile, laugh and cry with.
The family of Amy Lynn Boyer - Don't let this happen again
Tibbo's Christian Pages - Prayers and Spiritual stories
W.A.R. (Women Against Rape) - An Important Message about Rape
BlackEyes BlueTears - Domestic Violence